An odd and strange factor occurred to us this summer season in our backyard. One thing nearly out of science fiction. [Cue otherworldly music.]
Let me again up. Earlier than this 12 months, The One’s and my vegetable backyard took up all of a 10-foot circle round an previous tree stump. We’d dutifully divide it into quarters and fill it with herbs, tomatoes, kale, and some nasturtiums. That was it. Nothing to write down house about. And, since Papa Leite is a consummate gardener, I actually by no means did write house. The very last thing I needed was for him to lift a grayed eyebrow and marvel, did my boy be taught nothing throughout these lengthy summers at Silvia’s Farm the place he labored as a youngster? However this 12 months, overcome by some deep craving to be actual males of the earth, The One and I broke floor on a backyard that was greater than 5 instances the scale of our previous backyard. In whole, 4 raised beds, all crammed with our yard man’s natural soil.
Right here’s the place it will get slightly bizarre. Very quickly, the crops had been off and working, regardless that we bought them into the bottom greater than a month late. I imply, they had been ALIVE! The cilantro, which by no means, ever survived our arms, was enormous. The 5 parsley crops—we planted 5 as a result of a minimum of half all the time die—burst into bushes greater than two toes tall. Similar with the potatoes, squash, cantaloupes, watermelon, cucumbers, broccoli, heirloom tomatoes, carrots, beets, and the remainder of the herbs. I lastly did write house to my father and ship him images. He saved saying, “I don’t know what you’re doing, son, however preserve doing it.” The factor is: We did nothing!
Probably the most peculiar had been the cherry tomato crops. The One loves these yellowy Solar Gold tomatoes, and this spring he purchased 5 crops, which was down from 10 crops a couple of years in the past, thanks very a lot, as a result of we had been all the time inundated with baskets and baskets of cherry tomatoes by season’s finish, it doesn’t matter what we did.
☞ BAKE THE RECIPE: CHERRY TOMATO TART
However this spring, as The One was digging within the new natural soil, he realized he unintentionally purchased 5 pink cherry tomato crops. When he found his mistake, he seemed like an funding banker who simply misplaced his four-million-dollar bonus. I felt so sorry for him that I went again to the backyard retailer and picked out six Solar Gold crops. I figured we’d lose half of all the things in any case, as we all the time did, so the 11 crops would internet us 5 in the long run.
No such luck. All 11 suckers grew. And grew. And grew. Very quickly, they had been as much as my waist. Then my shoulders. The stakes now we have are solely six or so toes tall, so then the crops started rising downward. And, finally, throughout the white gravel paths. I measured one monster, and it was longer than 10 toes! I used to be starring in my very own model of “The Assault of the Killer (Cherry) Tomatoes!” They had been insatiable!
I walked out again a number of instances, hedge clippers in hand, decided to chop these behemoths in half.
“Oh, no you don’t!” The One mentioned, blocking the gate together with his physique.
“However that is unnatural. We have now to do one thing. They’re overtaking the backyard.”
“That’s high-quality.”
“However have a look at the kale,” I mentioned, pointing to the northernmost plant almost consumed by the tomatoes. “It appears to be like like a bridal bouquet in comparison with the others.”
“I don’t care.” He had a mad glimmer in his eyes. One thing was amiss. The One would by no means forsake kale. He’s an excessive amount of in love with it.
I had no alternative. It was both them or me. That’s once I sprung into motion. I harvested as many tomatoes as I may—we’re speaking three or 4 gallons some days—and turned them into purée, sauce, and paste.
AND STILL THEY GREW!
I blended and matched, making pink, yellow, and orange variations of all the things.
AND STILL THEY GREW!
I foisted them on pals. I insisted that Annie, my pretty assistant, take house bagfuls for her household.
AND STILL THEY GREW!
I cower inside now, afraid to stroll within the backyard. “What the hell else would you like from me? I’m exhausted!” I scream at them. Searching the again window, I swear I can see them waving.
Subsequent 12 months, we develop nothing however potatoes.
Initially printed July 8, 2015
